It’s 6:30 am and I’m rushing to make breakfast, pack lunches for my kids, piece together the trail of homework that was somehow strewn throughout the entire house somewhere between 3pm and 9pm last night, and find a single pair of matching socks before we rush out the door. I’ll be lucky to apply a quick sweep of moisturizer and find a wrinkle-free shirt before we pile into the car.
This is not my ideal morning.
As the minutes speed by, an internal dialog is sparked, shifting my thoughts from hurried to harsh. I should have gone to bed earlier last night. I should have gotten up earlier, then I wouldn’t be rushing like a mad woman right now. When will I finally make time to meditate in the mornings? Or practice yoga? Or jog? I should be more disciplined. And more organized. And more motivated. My mind involuntarily wraps itself around the litany of expectations I impose on myself, ticking off all the ways I just don’t stack up this morning.
All over a clock, a few sheets of homework and some mismatched socks.
It’d be easy to feign invariable, unwavering centeredness, but some mornings this is just my reality. It’s also why I began Root and Willow.
Noticing my trajectory, I pause.
For a moment.
For a breath.
This morning will not include meditation. Or a slow foray with any of my beloved skin care rituals. It will include a few quick sips of coffee as I dole out yogurt and pack veggies into lunch boxes. I’ll embrace my life’s messiness because the real struggle isn’t in locating missing clothes or getting up earlier. The real struggle takes root in those moments I stray from myself, full of fear that I’m not enough, not quite worthy the way I am. My job is to try to guide my thoughts toward a gentler path, let go of ‘shoulds’ and grow my sense of self-compassion. Moisturizer applied or not. Clothes wrinkled or not.
My day did not begin as planned. Maybe I’ll make time for an afternoon walk, listen to a guided meditation over lunch or say ‘no’ to something later in my day so that I can have time to meditate tonight. Or practice yoga. Or jog.
...Or, maybe the day will simply get away from me and I'll choose to be kind to myself anyways and try again tomorrow.
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